5 Ways to Trigger a Developer 😑 cover image

5 Ways to Trigger a Developer 😑

Oliver Sarfas β€’ April 20, 2019


Ever wanted to annoy a developer? Wanna know what really grinds their gears? Here's 5 top way to trigger a technical person, straight from the horse's mouth.

Often programmers are very linear, binary people. We have the mentality of a computer. Either everything is going great, or the all our work is burning in front of us and we're going to take y'all down with us.

If you've ever seen a developer "in full flow" or "plugged in" - you'll know how snappy we can get at the best of times. Why you'd want to test our patience any further is beyond me, however I've known people to do it.

@Developers - I'm sorry. Please don't hate me.

@Readers - Use this at your own risk. No seriously, think about it before you do any of these

by Agence Producteurs Locaux Damien KΓΌhn

How long can I do a countdown using Unsplash images... here's to finding out...

1. "Just a quick one..." ⏰

No. No I can't. It's never a "just this". It's "this", "that", and "the other" as well. Leave me alone.

General rule for you, when your IT / Dev is wearing earbuds / phones, the following applies;

As I mentioned in my post about being the modern office, when a developer / programmer is in the zone, it's not a simple 2 second task to get back into that rhythm

2. Ask us to fix your s#*% πŸ› 

Yes, we're developers or programmers. We know our way around the internet, or our given software. However, just because we work in IT, doesn't mean that we know all of the problems that comes with it.

No, I don't know why your printer isn't working. I don't know my way around Excel. Nor do I know how to setup your projector.

I'm a developer, I make websites. Your printer, your problem

3. Blame us when something breaks

Sometimes, we do know how to fix some stuff, and if you're lucky - we'll do it for free or a few beers. Now, be happy with your fixed hardware / software, and go about your day.

If it breaks in the future, you're welcome to contact us again, asking for help. But. And this is a rather large but. Do not try to pass blame on this to us.

Yes, I might have fixed your printer, removed a virus, recovered a password, etc etc. However, the fact that something else has happened, or you've broken it again has nothing to do with me.

Ask us enough, and we're more than capable of doing something extra to fixing your machine - something that's probably borderline illegal and you don't want. Just take my word on that one cough BeeF, Keylogging, RCE, etc etc.cough

4. "Why isn't this done yet?" ⁉

Fast delivery, cheap to make, or well made. Take your pick of 2.

This is how the IT, Development, and 99% of all projects work.

If you're wondering where your website is; chances are that it could go live now. However, we try to be proud of the work that we do and want to deliver the best product we can.

Let us get on with it, and we'll let you know once it's ready.

5. "Can you hack {XYZ}?" πŸ’₯

Again, this is the assumption that because we work with websites, we know how to hack into them.

Network and software security is a very different ball game to building the software.

99% of us are aware of some of the most common hacking techniques used in modern day technology for our specific solutions (OWASP makes that nice and easy to keep up with nowadays). However actually doing these attacks takes a whole different skill-set.

No, I can't hack your ex's Facebook. If I knew how to do that, I'd be minted.

Questions? Want to talk? Here are all my social channels